angel plus road

So I really know how to step in it. C and I were texting last night, and then he called. I answered, we were on the phone for 40 minutes. I had to pee and check on Ryder, so I said Iapos;d call him back, and I did. . .about 2 hours later we ended the call. He called again this morning, and is going to call me later tonight.
Then thereapos;s J whoapos;s like my horror movie soulmate, and is just so intelligent and funny. Quick on the draw.
And now Idaho turned out to be the bitch I knew she was. Using her new found religion to chastise Big for the way he lives, when no more than a week ago she was doing the same things as he.
I have a date with both J and C when I get there, but I know if Big is like letapos;s make a go of this, I will drop them like a bad habit. I really like C though. The idea though, thatapos;s heapos;s 38, with a 21 year old son, who is trying to make him a grandfather; at 25 is kinda scary. He has 4 kids, and heapos;s amazing with them. He says the most amazing things to me, he seems to be mesmerized by me or something. He thinks everything I do is fantastic. He calls just to say good morning, texts whenever he gets a free minute. And was showing me around to his co-workers on his cell the other day. He thanks me for talking to him, and tells me he enjoys it. He says things like heapos;s amazed at how I handle things with Ryder. I donapos;t know if part of his charm is the way he just spoils me with affection. Itapos;s been a long time, a very long time, since Iapos;ve had someone do that.
Big is the love of my life, and heapos;s doing this incredible thing. Heapos;s wanted to live in Vegas for the longest time. Heapos;s giving that chance up to make sure I have a place to stay in Cedar. Heapos;s telling them on Monday that he wants to do what he was hired on for and go to Cedar for 6 months, and if then things need to change heapos;ll go to Vegas. He wants us to put the lease in our name and still take care of the deposit and stuff. I donapos;t even know what to make of that. He keeps saying taking me into consideration, and I cry, I literally cry every time he says it. I keep telling him that he doesnapos;t need to do that, but on the other hand, I am SO thankful he is.
Weapos;ll see what Monday holds, they may very well tell him no you have to stay. Things are just getting so complicated. And scary. I feel like a hypocrite. I keep telling Big not to deny us, and that itapos;s not fair to push the idea of an us to the backburner solely because of the distance, yet here I am with C, planning a few months worth of activities the weekend after I get there. It started as a distraction from Big, something to ease me into the idea of he and Idaho. Now I donapos;t know what it is. I know I love him with every fiber of my being, and I have for a very long time. If he said today I want to be with you and you only, I would drop everyone else in my life, but I am starting to feel bad about it with C, which means I am starting to like him more than I thought.
Serenity prayer time.
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